Facing a tough choice between his wife and his recently orphaned 11-year-old sister, a 28-year-old man sought advice from the Reddit community to find a peaceful solution.
Married for two years, the man grappled with the painful decision of disrupting the childless life he and his wife had planned for the little girl who wanted to live with her big brother. However, his wife wasn’t on board. Two years ago, the 28-year-old man shared the struggle he and his 28-year-old wife faced due to a decision made by his orphaned 11-year-old sister.
The post, titled “I want to adopt my sister after my dad’s death, my wife refused because we agreed on no children. Is there a way to fix this?” has been removed from Reddit, likely due to reaching its “karma limit,” indicating the original poster capped the number of comments to limit attention.
Seeking advice, the user explained that after their father passed away from pancreatic cancer, the little girl expressed a desire to live with him and his wife, who had previously agreed to a childless life. The user described, “Due to the age gap, I am more like another father than a brother. There are 2 options for my sister: either I take her in or my uncle [dad’s brother].” He continued, “So we asked her who she wanted, and she chose me.”
Here’s where things get complicated. He explains that his wife declined to adopt his sister, particularly because his uncle was willing to take on the responsibilities of raising his niece.
Trauma
When a child’s parent is no longer able to care for them, it can be incredibly traumatic for the child, losing their trusted caregiver and the comfort of their old home. Wanting to support his sibling through this difficult transition, the original poster (OP) felt a responsibility to ensure her well-being.
Explaining further, he writes, “…my sister has no parents now, and I want to make sure she is able to recover and be healthy. Since she wants to be with me, I will not force her to be with our uncle.”
Regrettably, his wife was not on board with adopting his sibling, as it didn’t align with the life she was building. “This is causing a lot of tension with my wife. Things escalated, and I finally told her I am doing this whether she agrees or not. She can either accept it or we get divorced.
Seeking advice, he writes, “We have not talked since then. What can I do in such a situation?” One Reddit user responds, “Yeah, I feel like taking in your little sister is different than ‘having kids after agreeing not to.’ The poor thing! Does the wife have no heart?!…She sounds selfish.”
Another commenter adds, “Seriously, choosing not to have children is one thing. Not taking in a beloved relative who happens to be a child in a time of crisis is a completely different situation!”
A critic argues, “The situation is very unfortunate, but neither OP nor his wife are in the wrong. OP is being a good brother by taking in his sister after her dad’s death, but his wife has every right to want (want, not demand) the child-free life they both agreed upon.” This comment triggers a flood of opinions from child-free advocates.
Refuting the accusation of selfishness, one person shares, “Always with the ‘selfish.’ I am child-free by choice and have been told I am selfish for not having children so many times. What people fail to understand is that, for some of us, it is WAY better…”
In a subsequent update, the original poster, now a “single father-ish brother,” shares, “I talked with my wife again. She still refused as she does not want kids. So we basically decided to go our separate ways.” The wife, disappointed with her husband’s decision, charges the OP with “choosing your sister over me.”
“Yes, my sister takes priority now. I am choosing her over you. This was our last conversation,” he adds. “I have been living with my sister for 1 week now. Being a single father-ish brother is definitely challenging, but I am really enjoying it.”
“Congratulations for being the brother your sister needs, and commiserations for having to be the brother your sister needs,” one netizen writes. Meanwhile, another user steps in to defend his soon-to-be ex-wife.
“Don’t be so quick to slander the wife. They agreed on no children, and there was another option (Uncle). OP made a choice under extremely difficult circumstances, and the wife chose to remain child-free. No one should be attacked in this situation. Not all choices in life are easy, but this was still a choice.”
What would you do in a situation like this? Please let us know in the comments section and then share this story so we can hear what others have to say!